Take the Booster Before Christmas – We’re Behind on our Quantitative Easing Schedule!
Julian Rose, Contributor
Spoof or reality? You decide..
The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom is interviewed by BBC political correspondent Darren Codfly on the Today programme.
DC Prime Minister, thank you for coming to the studio.
PM Not at all. I would have come on my bicycle but it had a puncture and no one in the Cabinet Office had a puncture repair kit.
DC Prime Minister, many are anxious to know what you have in mind concerning Covid regulations in the run-up to Christmas. Can you provide some insight on this?
PM I was in a meeting with SAGE yesterday. We haven’t reached a conclusive position on this just yet, but my message is quite clear, people are strongly advised to take the booster now, before Christmas. We must ensure the holiday period suffers the minimum of interruptions and that families can pass their condolences in a dignified and respectable manner.
DC Err, can you clarify what you mean by ‘condolences’?
PM Yes of course. We are urging people to do the responsible thing. To take the booster as soon as possible, because we’re falling behind on our depop – err, quantitative easing schedule – and I’ll be in trouble with the WHO if we can’t maintain a steady downward trend.
DC You’re saying…
PM I’m saying that the policy I’ve set from the beginning – that the people of this country must take a responsible attitude in responding to the dangers of the pandemic and not just rely on government. This means recognising the importance of taking the strain off the NHS by dying – err, by passing at home rather than needlessly filling hospital beds. We learned this from our highly successful lockdown policy during the winter of 2021.
DC There are those who say that the lockdown was rather a cumbersome way of helping older people enjoy a quiet and restful end to their lives. How would you answer such criticism?
PM You know, I hear such criticisms and I take them into account in our forward planning. I sincerely hope there will be no need for such measures again this winter. But we must stay ahead of the game. This country has a terrific record in vaccinating a large number in a very short time. A considerable part of this success is down to the fact that people have been perfectly willing to take their own lives. This is one of the most admirable qualities of our great nation; but it needs to be kept alive, I mean, kept going. We can’t let-up yet.
DC Changing the subject a bit, are you concerned that there appears to be a growing voice of those uncomfortable with the lack of parliamentary consultation during the pandemic? Some are suggesting democratic principles and procedures are threatened by this situation. How would you react to this?
PM It’s complete nonsense. We’ve got to get the job done. The house is perfectly clear on what our goals are, so the need for debate on the actions required to ensure that there are a minimum number err..maximum number of survivors is simply a complete waste of time.
DC I understand that the cabinet is now a sort of ‘command centre’ for Covid planning. Is there unanimity amongst cabinet members about the way forward?
PM The cabinet has been highly effective in attracting the best brains in Britain – and not only Britain – to advise on strategies to ensure the public responds positively to our agenda. We are particularly proud of the influence our social and psychological engineering experts have exerted on the electorate. Thanks to this, a large part of the electorate actually believe what we are saying is true. We in Britain lead the world in this area.
DC So are there no detractors…?
PM There have been one or two who would have preferred our decisions to be based more on pragmatic, empirical evidence than on the computer modelling we employ Imperial College to carry out so as to produce the numbers we need. These dissenters have not been aware that we have to set targets for how many will succumb to this deadly virus, even if we have no idea whether these numbers are achievable. After all, we cannot get public support to defeat a virus unless most people believe it can take their lives if they don’t follow the government’s advice.
DC But the models used have made wrong predictions, is this a source of concern?
PM Of course not. The accuracy of the numbers doesn’t matter, it’s all about making people afraid.
It has been our strategy from the beginning to make people act out of fear. Both our Deep Mind psychiatry experts and the Chief Medical Officer have assured us that provided the media are kept to their pledge to put out a steady stream of fear raising headlines, we will have no problem in fulfilling the quota of jabs demanded by Pfizer and Astra Zeneca in order that their excellent businesses continue to return positive profit margins. This is capitalist democracy at its best and nowhere does in work better that here in Britain.
DC I think you do recognise the existence of some confusion concerning the vaccination being reported as ineffective at preventing Covid from effecting those who have already been vaccinated against it.
PM There may well be some confusion here. I want to remind listeners that we were fully supported by the electorate when my predecessor announced that the Conservative party intended to introduce chaos into the land. We can’t be accused of not having succeeded in this. The need has emerged to keep this policy and I will be putting my weight behind the booster as the best way of retaining immunity, even if such immunity is a chimera. This is entirely consistent with our chaos policy.
BC The COP is now behind us. Are you confident that pledges made during the COP Summit can and will be acted upon?
PM Look, we’re all human beings here, aren’t we? I mean, there’s almost no one who doesn’t have some feelings – err – failings. We’ve got some great goals to work for and it’s everybody’s job to get on with fulfilling these goals. I’m deeply proud of having presided over the COP in Glasgow. Heads of state, pop stars, leading climatologists – like Greta Thunberg – and many other global leaders, showed great commitment by flying into Glasgow in their own private jets and supporting the people of this great city by filling their top hotels for the first time since before lockdown.
DC There was some inconsistency concerning mask wearing during the COP; can you confirm the governments position on the need for masks and social distancing?
PM We don’t have one. Err, we do have one – but it’s hard to enforce. The World Health Organisation has been consistent from the outset of the pandemic. It has stated that masks are necessary – and that masks are unnecessary. We have taken much inspiration from this approach. Most of our statements on Covid, Brexit, Global Warming and Green Deal can now be understood – or misunderstood – in at least two ways. This avoids unnecessary confrontations brought about by people taking positions. We must unite in our efforts to reach our goals even if those goals might be misplaced or unattainable.
DC And social distancing?
PM What’ that?
DC On that note I’m afraid we have to end. Thank you Prime Minister.
About the Author
Julian Rose is an early pioneer and practitioner of UK organic farming; an entrepreneur and leader of projects to create self sufficient communities based on local supply and demand; a teacher of holistic life approaches and the author of four books – one of which ‘Creative Solutions to a World in Crisis’ lays-out detailed guide-lines for the transformation of society into caring communities built upon ecological and spiritual awareness, justice and cooperation. See Julian’s website for more information www.julianrose.info