The journey through surrogacy can be filled with pitfalls and problems. The best way to avoid them completely? Do your research.
Becoming a parent is tough. Some things you learn as you go, others you do your homework. Just the simple act of being a parent is enough to send most people to google at least 40 times a day. What is the best food for your baby? How do you get a pea out of a nose? What are the best toys to buy? Screen time allowance? Teen slang? How to choose a babysitter? What is a normal color for poop?
All of these questions, and so many more, crop up every day of parenthood. Alas, we have no problem looking to professionals, friends, family members, and even the internet for solid advice to parents’ most common queries. Parenting seems to be equal parts research and experience. The road to becoming a parent, for couples who struggle with infertility, is largely the same.
While some things throughout an infertility journey are best chalked up to “you live and learn,” choosing a surrogate or surrogacy clinic is definitely not one of them. There are many different directions you can take, but choosing poorly early on can end up costing you more than just money. It can cost you your health, the health of your future child, or the health of the woman carrying it. On top of the possible medical concerns, there is a number of ethical and individual moral concerns that must be navigated before you and your family finalize any decisions.
Just Another Procedure
It’s rare that anyone would automatically agree to a medical procedure without first doing a bit of research, and surrogacy is no different. The first thing you’ll need to figure out is what type of surrogacy you’re looking for, and what type of surrogacy your family is eligible for. All countries and regions come with their own specific sets of rules for what they will, and won’t, allow for surrogacy. Which can make it difficult if you’re single, homosexual, or unmarried.
“We looked for ages to find a surrogacy clinic that could give us exactly what we needed.” Says Nicole, now a mother of two. “Because my wife and I are in a homosexual relationship and neither of us are capable of carrying a child ourselves, our situation was particularly sticky” Nicole says that both she and her wife, Tonya, had to go through extensive testing to prove that medically they required a surrogate. “It was a nightmare. I had been through multiple diagnostic tests in the past, and it was humiliating to have to go through it all again.” On top of that, Nicole said that after both she an Tonya had had the necessary test conducted, they then had the added difficulty of finding s surrogacy clinic that would cater to the needs of homosexual clients.
“We were already legally married, but many places required that we be a heterosexually married couple. It was really defeating.” After hours of research and committed support of friends and family, Nicole and Tonya finally found a clinic that operated out of California, USA. “It was like a huge weight was lifted off of our chests. They were amazing.” Nicole found a clinic called Ilaya, that operated directly out of Spain, but also had a number of clinics available to them locally in California. “Even though Californian law is super surrogate friendly for homosexual couples, there were still so many working parts of the process, that we both decided we needed to find a provider that was able to help us with every aspect of the process.”
Aspects of the Process
Even if you’ve found a state or country that can cater to your individual needs, its till important to remember that there are a number of legal and ethical aspects of surrogacy that are best navigated with the help of seasoned professionals. Exploitation, parental rights, and travel considerations are all things that have to be thought about before deciding on a clinic that best fits your needs.
A clinic that offers full medical and legal support is a great start. Finding one that offers in-house procedures and diagnostic testing, as well as a full legal team and personal case worker are massive bonuses. Finding a clinic that can assist you with every aspect of surrogacy from start to finish will ease any of the discomforts that are almost guaranteed to arise along the way.
“We were so happy with our clinic. The staff was incredibly supportive of us throughout the entire journey. They were able to answer any question we had and never seemed to tire of our relentless involvement.” Nicole says that something they were incredibly worried about early on was the health of their surrogate. “We wanted to make sure that the woman we chose to carry our child truly wanted to carry her. Not that she was forced into it by economic reasons. We also wanted to make sure that they were happy healthy, and fully aware of the gravity of their choice.” Nicole tells us that she and her wife were able to interview multiple candidates before deciding on an ideal surrogate. Many clinics have strict guidelines that decide who and who cannot be accepted as a surrogate. It’s important to be aware of these benchmarks well before you decide on a clinic to represent your case.
One Happy Family
“I’ve read so many horror stories, so many articles about how terrible the whole process can be” Nicole confides, “but honestly, I never saw any of that personally. We’ve even had friends who have had similar circumstances that have gone through alternate providers, and their journey was just as happy as our own.”
So yes, choosing to create your family via surrogate may not often feel like much of a choice, but there are ways to make it an exciting an beneficial process for everyone involved. Provided you do your research first. Much like parenthood in itself.
This article (The Hidden Dangers of Surrogacy: Research Fully) originally created and published by Waking Times. Copyright 2019. All rights reserved.
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of Waking Times or its staff.